Jun

2

Happier timesAn excellent trader once told me that relationships are like trades. "Paolo", he said, "If it does not work, it is time to close it and move to the next one…". It is the concept of stop loss, of having the strength to recognize failure and accept its consequences, of learning from our own mistakes without feeling frustrated and miserable. In two words, it means being mature and responsible.

As a trader, I tend not to close my losing positions; it is my main problem. I think this is common to many "wanna-be traders". I want to wait for prices to go back where they were, I do not easily accept taking a loss. Most of the times this works well especially in a choppy environment, but if you find yourself in a fast market you can be badly hit.

Similarily, in life I care much about the friendships and relationships I establish. I feel "betrayed" when I lose a friend who is important to me. It happened recently, when a dear friend decided to discontinue any type of contact with me. At the beginning with some justifications. Eventually not even answering phone calls and emails. I know that with every ending there is a new beginning, that maybe I didn't realize what kind of person this was in the first place, that I may have contributed to the situation, that I don't need this person to be happy. However, you are aware there is something of you that has gone away and will not come back. It is complicity what you miss the most. It is the awareness of having wasted emotional energies on a losing investment. "Paolo, it is a closed book. It is time for the next trade" he told me. I know this is right, but I miss this friend.

Chris Tucker advises:

Paolo, You are not a "wanna-be trader" any more than you are a "wanna-be friend". In both endeavors we are all learners all the time. Setbacks will occur in all facets of our lives and they can be painful, sometimes extremely so, but they are not a reason to condemn ourselves or to give up. It's normal to feel frustrated and miserable as long as you don't dwell there for too long. Nor do I believe that you have wasted your emotional energy. Energy that is put into something or someone you care about is never wasted, it's just that sometimes it fails to yield the benefits we expected. So I don't see you as a "wanna-be trader" but as a "trader in training", just like the rest of us, even the spectacular successes. I find that devoting my focus to finding the lessons to be learned from such things not only helps to assuage the pain associated with them, but also prepares me better for similar scenarios in the future. Perhaps you can ask yourself questions like "What can I learn from this?" or "What positive outcome can there be to this?" 


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4 Comments so far

  1. Micky on June 3, 2010 2:58 pm

    “It is the awareness of having wasted emotional energies on a losing investment.”
    You have not wasted energy. Think about how much fun you had. That needs to be accounted for as well. It’ like spending money to travel. Return on investment is that you are richer as a person.

  2. Marko on June 3, 2010 4:49 pm

    Well, my experience and observations in life is that relationships are not exactly like trades.
    For example, you can close a trade and if you did it correctly it not just won’t hurt you on the future but also could help you to keep on the course. But the ending effects of a relationship can hit you years after in a unexpected ways and the only closing relationships that really force anyone to move on are out of our controll, the death of loving beings.

    Anyway, a great post and a great message that we can use in many relations, not all but in a good number

  3. Lon Lieberman on June 4, 2010 8:09 am

    Paolo, maybe changing the context of ‘relationship’ will help. I view the issues in my portfolio as itinerant laborers who work for my little company. My expectation is that they will go out and generate revenue at a fairly predictable rate.

    If they fail to meet my criteria of ‘good employee’ by: A) violating policy & sleeping on the job or B) heaven forbid, I find that they lied to me about their future value, they must go.

    It’s not personal mind you. I have a business to run. I have bills to pay. Maybe I’ll rehire them down the road. Maybe I make a mistake and fire them right before they show me their real value. Maybe I fire them after they had a bad day & I’m guilty of being an ill-tempered boss.

    That’s OK - while we “enjoy” a relationship, stocks aren’t my friends. They are here only to make me money. Anything else goes against policy.

  4. Sam Humbert on June 4, 2010 12:44 pm

    The best way to avoid the “married to a position” syndrome is to have a good assortment of market strategies/ themes/ theses working at any given time. Then it’s easier to accept that one particular thesis isn’t working out, since presumably others are — and to move along in a businesslike way.

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