May

4

 In recent days I have begun to explore the category-based tuning feature of my car's XM radio. (I'm a big fan of XM.) This feature enables one to tune linearly between categories rather than station numbers and it remembers the last station that one was listening to in a category.

Categories are things like "Rock," "Dance," "Hits," "Decades," etc. The proper tuning of stations in category mode requires that one decide on a favorite station within the category that will come on automatically each time. Choosing a station can be tough, either because there are so many contenders — I currently have the 70s as my favorite decade, but I could switch to the 80s at some point — or because there are so few.

A most problematic category is "Christian," which is mysteriously sandwiched between "Hits" and "Rock." While several categories include X-rated fare, for some reason no such choice is available for Christians. Oddly, there is a Christian rock station — odd because everyone know that the underlying beat of rock music is designed for fornication. After contemplating the dilemma of which Christian station to program in without making an explicit decision, I moved on to the "Rock" category. I always have it tuned to "Lucy," the station of classic alternative music, a seemingly contradictory concept. By some miracle the song that was playing was The Pixies 's "Monkey Gone to Heaven." I see the makings of an alternative Christian station. With REM 's "The End of the World as We Know It," Peter Gabriel 's "Your Eyes," and XTC 's "Dear G-d" for starters, there should be an abundance of tunes to choose from.

Must we wait for an XM/Sirius merge to bring us a "Bar Mitzvah and Wedding" channel so that I can hear the music of my youth? Hora or bunny hop, anyone?

Stefan Jovanovich replies:

For what little it may be worth, given what "everyone knows", the Christian women out here in California prefer blues. They think rock music's beat is just another enticement for the men to indulge in what Sarah Jessica Parker's character once described as "jackrabbit s-x". Rock and roll's origins are from rockabilly, which was and still is the ultimate American dance music. Dancing was clearly designed as a path to other things, of course, but as the Georgia Satellites so wonderfully put it, with the women worth chasing the road to fornication always includes a pit stop at the church. 

Stefan Jovanovich replies:

For what little it may be worth, given what "everyone knows", the Christian women out here in California prefer blues. They think rock music's beat is just another enticement for the men to indulge in what Sarah Jessica Parker's character once described as "jackrabbit sex". Rock and roll's origins are from rockabilly, which was and still is the ultimate American dance music. Dancing was clearly designed as a path to other things, of course, but as the Georgia Satellites so wonderfully put it, with the women worth chasing the road to fornication always includes a pit stop at the church. 


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