Aug

17

What Makes a Good Mother?

August 17, 2020 |

Laurel Kenner  writes: 

Gentlemen, your assistance is requested. As my son enters high school, I am earnestly seeding guidance on how to be a good mother during these next four crucial years. As I understand it, he needs validation and a clean house in all senses of the phrase, and not too much direct advice. I don't want him to become an adult with mommy problems, and I don't want him to go so wild that he spoils his later life. Specs, please share your thoughts. What are your most vivid memories of your mother during these years? How did she help or hurt? What makes a mother of a teenage son good or bad? 

kurtsskurtss writes: 

Avoid all lecturing/preaching/cajoling.  Instead, ask questions and try to act like a friend or confidante, way more than a parent.  If he trusts that you will not be judgmental, but instead will be a good listener and help him to recognize potential outcomes for various actions, he will be willing to share more of his life with you.  

Zubin Al Genubi writes: 

Give him well defined specific tasks he must do to get his allowance or a specified reward of his own choice. He can choose the tasks. Could be wash dishes twice a week or clean his room one a week. Could be all A's. Control behavior using incentives. Use of authority is useless as is an appeal to reason. Kids don't think. 

Write down the tasks on a calendar and check off performance as an agreed contract. Put in writing for bigger or long term rewards such as a car for no smoking or drugs till 16.  

Big AI writes: 

One thing i'll offer is this: once the average boy crosses the puberty

threshold, it's like somebody poured gas on him and lit him on fire.

most of his mental bandwidth becomes focused on girls and negotiating

all of that, especially in school where there are all these girls who

have crossed the threshold too.  and at the same time, this new

dynamic that is dominating his life is something he doesn't want to

talk to his mother about.

Paolo pezzutti writes: 

We are parents.  Not friends nor advisors nor confidants…..

Not even task organizers.  Our role in my view is to transmit values. Just that. Transmit values which are the main tools to live their life. They will then choose their objectives. Establish their priorities and tasks. Live their sex life. Values are the core issue.  

larry writes: 

Teach him to cook, wash clothes and iron.  It will make him self sufficient

Jonathan Bower writes:

I'll second this. Additionally, in Scouting many ideals are worthy of pursuit to round out a person's character and skills.


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