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True Stories by Steve Keely
Hobo Memoirs

White Bred Ed

We ate slapstick today at the Kitchen free eatery. I took a plate stacked with four courses of lasagna, beans, potatoes and salad at the serving line and praised the volunteer chef,  you've gone hungry before. He muttered thanks but couldn't bring up a smile.  I sat on a long hard bench running a skinny table with other hard-timers chewing silently.

'Are you black or white?', abruptly asked an honest girl.  It was a new voice and I couldn't see her through my neighbors  shoulders.

'I'm black',  drawled a man.

'But are you ALL black?'  the voice persisted.

'What are you, Blind?'

'Yes',  she answered.

You can go back for seconds at the Kitchen by just shouting your number and nobody even looks at your face.

'Do you have a love Jones?  a white codger asked the room?'

'I got an erection as big as the Gulf of Mexico',  replied an Hispanic across the table.

'I got to go',  said the female I hadn't seen. 'But I need a bag for all the loaves.'

A half-dozen men started up but a black server produced a plastic sack first and loaded it.

'I ain't got one either',  whined a bag lady but someone shot back, 'What's that purse between your legs?'  quieting her.

The girl stood up and I beheld her the first time. She was not unattractive. A blue dress with side splits revealed lily thighs. When she raised her arms to the ceiling and stared vacantly the dress hiked up and she bawled, 'Everybody needs a bag!'

The room joined singing,  

'Everybody needs a bag!'  as she led a revival.

She dropped them as quickly, lifted the sack, and felt along the wall.

Right  Higher guided eaters.

She found the doorknob and let herself out smiling into the Blythe, California sunshine.

'Don't step on my dog!' yelled a spic.

'What color was it?' asked a nigger.

A white boy stepped out and had a triumphant day.




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